The Unbearable Lightness of Val Kilmer

Today is Val Kilmer’s birthday. He would have been 66.

It also happens to be New Year’s Eve, so it seems appropriate to talk a little bit about pivots and where I hope my life (and this little project) will go into 2026.

I’ve never been a fan of New Year’s resolutions. I made them when I was younger and, like most other people, I would be driven by their promise for a month or so before new ways would fall to old habits.. And also, like most other people, my resolutions were always a condemnation of self: made on an assumption that there was–and is–something fundamentally wrong with me. There were the classics: lose weight, exercise more, eat better. Quit some thing that, in its absence, would make my life better (alcohol, sugar, carbs, video games, napping, the list continues…). A pursuit of a better version of myself that was dictated, by and large, by outside forces.

Now, to be sure, there’s inherently nothing wrong with pursuing any of these things. The problem is that it’s often pursued as the thing that will transform a life. A more holistic approach is needed. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to so deeply appreciate what complicated creatures we humans are. We all want to do better, to be better, but rarely do we stop and wonder if maybe the best solution isn’t to just learn to exist as we are right now and grow from there.

When Val Kilmer became ill, he was spotted out and about looking thinner and wearing scarves around his neck. Of course, the speculation followed. His health status was no one’s business. (And neither was how he chose to acknowledge–or not–any health challenges.) But he was an actor, a public personality. Someone who we decided a long time ago didn’t belong to just himself.

While it would have been understandable for him to have isolated in the face of that speculation and intrusion, over the years, he leaned into even more fully living his life. He continued to go out in public, his dress and style becoming more and more bohemian as the years passed. He launched social media, including a very active Instagram and Facebook, where he wrote about his films, shared his art, and poked fun at himself. He did films and interviews where he existed as an actor, person with a disability, and a human being. He acknowledged the diminishment of his voice, but didn’t let his challenges silence him. He wrote an autobiography and made a documentary film about his life. These were more than vanity projects: they showed a life well lived and, almost more importantly, someone who enjoyed living and growing, even while acknowledging that things didn’t always work out as hoped.

When I started this project, I thought I would write once a week and that would be that, but I wasn’t prepared how the essence of it would change me. To be sure, this project was never about Val Kilmer. He was–and continues to be–a catalyst. His story (unfortunately preceded by his physical death) found me when I needed it.

I have never been able to make plans. Sure, I can sort out dinner reservations for later in the week and pay my taxes, but real plans–where I want to be in a year or 5, 10, 20 years–that has never been something I’ve really done. It’s less “going with the flow” and some belief, deep down, that I don’t have (or don’t deserve….oof, that’s dark) a future. But, yet, here I am, well into my middle years, still going.

Because of everything that came before it, this project and some admittedly strange fascination with Val Kilmer has helped me begin to reshape my life. For the first time, I’m making real plans for the future. I’m sorting out the parts myself I’ve ignored for a long time. Parts I wished would just go away or fix themselves. It’s quite literally the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m so grateful that I have the opportunity to do it.

I’ve also started to deal with other aspects of my life: taking seriously some physical issues on the assumption that I’ll have (and want) a future. I even recently got braces (Invisalign) after years (decades) of just not being able to just do the thing I knew I should.

This time last year I wouldn’t have been able to tell you it was Val Kilmer’s birthday. I also felt profoundly sad and desperate in a way that had become my normal. There was no New Year’s resolution that could or would have fixed that. Something deeper was needed. A shift from the inside out. That doesn’t come (usually) from promises made at the stroke of midnight on January 1 and, frankly, even as I’m living it, I’m not sure where it comes from. I can tell you that while the catalyst was–and remains–Val Kilmer, I obviously had the will and desire for change inside of me all along. And, I’m doing it in all its really messy and uncomfortable glory and horror. I can honestly say that I’m proud of myself.

This is an exciting time and also I still want to write about Val Kilmer. I might need to write about him even more in the coming year as I dive deeper and become more comfortable with this new version of myself. I have to be bold enough to go out into the world too.

In the last couple of months, as I’ve started orthodontics, I’ve used the “Iceman snapping his jaw” gif quite a bit, including with a friend who has face blindness. She can’t tell one actor from another, but because of that meme (and this little project) she knows Val Kilmer.

I was having dinner with her and her partner the other night. Her partner said to me, “Tell (redacted) why she needs to watch Heat.” Obviously, I responded with “because it’s one of the greatest crime thrillers of all time”. I was then tickled that he followed up talking about Val’s deftness during the bank shoot out and how that scene is used in military training as an example of how to fire and unload/load an automatic weapon. I’m so happy someone other than me can spout those sorts of legendary stories!

That lead to me making my friend a list of the Val Kilmer movies she must watch: Real Genius, The Doors, Tombstone, Thunderheart, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, etc. As I was compiling the list, I realized I’ve only seen about half of his films.

I started this post talking about not being a fan of New Year’s resolutions and I’m still not, but I’m going to make one for 2026: watch all of his films (at least the ones I can find). I’ll fill in the filmography and write about some of them as I continue on my own journey…the one that kicked off in earnest, in part, because of a dude named Val Kilmer.

So, happy birthday, Val Kilmer. I know you appreciated your life and I’m learning to do the same. Thank you for everything.