The Unbearable Lightness of Val Kilmer

Every month of this little project, I intend to set myself a challenge. The intention isn’t perfection—which can make me give up when I’m not—but intention and awareness. 

It seems to me that every step forward in my life has been one that brings me to a better understanding of this: that you do your thing every day the best you can, and you approach any success at it with humility.

—Val Kilmer

This month’s challenge is to be present.

But, first, we need some definitions, because in our TikTok world, the rate of influencers, wellness coaches, and charlatans encouraging ‘being present’ is omnipresent without much shape or action. 

For me, ‘being present’ means existing in the moment, being aware of my thoughts and feelings, exploring them as useful, and challenging ideas that aren’t.

As best I can figure, there are a few reasons that I am prone to wandering away from the immediate moment: 

Fear of Missing Out: The internal “squirrel!” conundrum. What bright and shiny thing am I missing out on by focusing on the task at hand? The answer is often: “nothing.”

Overwhelm: When there’s too much going on, too much to keep track of, too much of the world, my mind will wander away or fast track to….

Anxiety: Fight or flight from a lifetime of stuff. I’m one of those high-functioning people who you would never know has anxiety unless you take my blood pressure or I let my feelings get the best of me, which happens when something is hard and I start to believe that I’m not capable. 

Boredom: This is a big one. It’s the reason that I can rarely finish a TV show without scrolling my phone. Instead of finding something different to watch—or better yet, turning off the TV—I pick up my phone and focus on nothing at all. 

When any of these things happen, I overconsume; the usual stuff, of course: food, money, sometimes alcohol, but also my mental acuity and self-confidence. 

So, this month, in our practice of being more present and aware, we have tools to battle all of the above: 

Curiosity: I’ll take a moment to ask why I feel the way I do. Is it valid? If not, can I let it go or recognize it as a fleeting feeling? If it is valid, do I need to do anything about it or simply recognize its existence? 

Movement: The best way I know to get out of my head is to take a walk, go for a run, do some Yoga, lift heavy things, or practice my martial art (budo taijitsu). 

Take Good Care: Over the last few months, I’ve slowly stopped eating ultra processed food, sugar, and simple carbs, and only drink alcohol when I’m out with friends. I’ll keep up this practice and make sure I’m getting good sleep (something I’m not always great at) and work on meditating and/or keeping up with my spiritual practice most days of the week. 

Re-center My Mind: If I’m bored, I will change what I’m doing OR simply sit in the boredom without distraction if I have no real reason to be on my phone. 

Limit my external “diet”: This means social media and also curating news sources versus mindlessly scrolling and getting wound up by things that the algorithm wants me to react to.

Enjoy Simple Pleasures: Pet my dog. Read a book. Breathe fresh air. Text a friend how much they mean to me. Watch a Val Kilmer movie. =) 

And, that’s it. That’s the plan. Again, the goal is not perfection; it’s simply a practice to show up for myself.